NUMBER, WHAT?

i'm due for one of my trademark changes of heart that makes me ever so popular with all my closest friends. i've decided to go with a song that's not exactly a cover to cap off my list of well, best covers.

about as often as kirstie alley tries to obliterate the fuck out of her esophagus by cramming fistfulls of pure lard through her system, an artist or band will completely run out of money. naturally, as their thirst for expensive hookers and papi's finest llello remains unquenched, this forces them to do some inexplicable things to help recoup their losses. sometimes a band will release some half-assed 'remix' album that was completed end to end in the studio by a visionless, mixing board-slider molesting intern. incidentally, the typical custom for the band during this critically important recording period is to sit thousands of miles away in a vomit-soaked living room of some 'homeboy's crib,' passed out and pantsless. needless to say, the results speak for themselves.

(for example, about two months ago i ended up at the local waxie maxie's as i could no longer slay the violent urge to own my copy of the new white stripes remix album. so you'll understand how cheated i felt when i opened the case and the cd was covered in jagermeister stickers and bong resin. true story.)

((oh, completely unrelated: you did it, yanni - looks like you'll continue to run uncontested in your dubious race to become history's finest role model. don't worry though, while you're getting raped in prison, this fucker will be more than happy to fill in for you on tour. wow, how the mighty have fa-- just...wow.))

it's probably clear by know that i've gone in favor of a remixed song over a true cover. to boot, i've decided to go with a visual masterpiece of which my aforementioned most closest of friends have heard me talking about for the past 2+ years. since i'm all about girth, i'll even make the youtube clip bigger for you by 130 pixels, diagonal (a whopping 125% increase in area).

but before i continue, have any of you accidental readers ever worked in a sterile office environment?? surrounded daily by corporate automatons, steadfastly working in unison to create meaningless crap like the 'delivery efficiency matrix for enterprise strategy e-service initiative'? frequently violated by humorless and incompetent braggarts who constantly obsess over their newest gadgetry, boring family, pissfully dull lives, and have successfully popularized the concept of not ever being caught without one of these pieces of shit?

and similarly, being metally raped by crm team leads who walk around all over the place with those stupid bluetooth earpieces when they're clearly not talking to anyone on the phone? do they think they look cool? are you serious? i mean, when i get off my motorcycle, the first thing i usually do is take off the goddamn helmet, not leave it wrapped around my face like some bizarre, sordid yuppie status trophy for everyone to gawk at. when i was getting coffee a few days ago, some numbnut walked in with the earpiece on, and said 'good morning.' was it wrong of me to assume that he was talking on the fucking phone when i ignored him?? i got the weird cold, skunk-eyed stare as i walked out. fucker.

(sidebar: if the last couple pics were slightly beyond confusing, sap and bearing point are two leading tech development/consulting firms. why the fuck do they have anything to do with golf? 'holy gosh, martha! phil mickelson just hit a birdie on a par 4! looks like we have a new place to do all of our role-based expediency/return on investment paradigm analyses!!')

now that i've wasted so much of your time, just watch the vid. it's simply an immaculate embodiment of hopefully every rebelious employee's dream - seeing their humble daily dungeons demolished by what turns out to be a living shout out to the years past. (plus adding guitars meritorious of dimmu borgir songs doesn't hurt either. [well maybe not, but cheers again if you got the reference.] brilliantly played, depeche mode.)