NUMBER FOUR

apocalyptica - covering metallica's [insert any song title]

call me a cheater on this entry, but i've managed to completely run the gamut on metallica. i've broken it down into a system of complex neurological stages, each more deserving of intense clinical study than its predecessor. for example, there's:

stage 1: 'metallica is the greatest shit ever - i want to touch tips with james hetfield.'
stage 3: 'metallica is a brutally transcendent band that will prove to be a major influence for budding bands, generations to come.'
stage 4: 'first metallica show - holy fuck, incredible drumming.'
stage 7: 'sixteenth metallica show - eh.'
stage 12: 'every other metal band does it better.'
stage 15: 'why did i waste my time with 'load' and/or 'reload' in the first place?'
stage 18: 'and why the fuck did i play that game of 'who's in my mouth?' with james hetfield?'
stage 22: 'i have nothing but categorical contempt for every idiot who still wears metallica shirts - including members of metallica'

have you sat through at least 9 seconds of that atrocity, 'some kind of monster?' if so, it should now be painfully obvious that james, lars, and co. have their heads completely up their asses. they used to be kinda awesome; how they got here from there is anyone's guess. gentlemen, that bullshit's not cool at any age.

anyways, i know these apocalyptica clowns sometimes look like they'd rather spend their time rubbing their cocks all over one another instead of playing the cello, but i've logged enough time in orchestras to know that these cuties are phenomenally gifted. their solos alone on a live cover of 'one' are totally absurd. but since the last few have been live songs, i chose their studio version of 'nothing else matters':